Resolutions are tough. Sometimes what you think you want, you really don't want. And I do have some agreement with this comic:
But, that being said, I still think it is a great idea to set your intentions for the new year. So here goes....
1. Write more in this blog
I am doing well on this one. This is my third blog in one week--a new record for me, I think. In the past, I have wanted to write, but I had a bit of writer's block. I didn't know what to write about. The new year feels like it brings lots of possiblities with it.
2. Lose 15 more pounds
I lost 10 pounds in the last three months and it feels great to fit in my clothes again. I was depressed about having to buy a whole new wardrobe--and go to the "Plus Size" stores to do it. I avoided that nightmare, but I digress. Last year, after reading a book called "Intuitive Eating", I decided I was sick of dieting and as long as I didn't overeat, I could eat whatever I wanted. WRONG!
I gained twenty pounds in about four months and I was continuing to go up. I was still exercising every day, so that was not it. I realized if I wanted to maintain a weight that felt good to my body (and also helped my knee). BTW, I hate it when people say "Oh you look fine." I want to be at a weight that feels good to me--that is a healthy BMI and where I am comfortable in my own skin.
What does that mean at my age? No sugar. No bread. Limited potatos and rice. Lean meats and lots of fruits and vegetables. Overall eating smaller portions.
It doesn't take a genius to figure it out. It is just no fun. I did it for several months before the holidays hit and lost 12 pounds and then gained two back (not bad). But now, the holidays are over and like zillions of other people, I am serious about my goal. Of course I am writing this after taking my son out for his farewell dinner and eating too much. Oy. But, I am telling you (and more importantly me) now that I want to get back on the wagon.
3. Stop worrying
This is a big change for me. If there is a worry wart, I would be it. I am an expert in worrying. It doesn't matter how small, I can make the problem worse very easily. For example, I went to the dentist today. It was not a good visit. Good teeth are not my strong suit. I need to redo one crown and get a filling redone (that may have a crack and need a crown we are not sure). Then I have to get my recessed gums checked for possible grafting. I know it sounds awful...then after all of that....the hygienist tells me that I have a sore in my mouth. I tell her I think it is a canker sore. She mentions that I need to keep an eye on it. Then, I start worrying. I ask her why and she mentions mouth cancer. Then she says she is sure that is not it.
I googled images for "canker sore" when I get home and then I look in the inside of my mouth in the mirror and try to see what it looks like (no easy task). Then I google images for "mouth cancer". I have a word of advice for you--do not google "mouth cancer". It is not a pretty sight.
My imagination was running wild and then I stopped and remembered my resolution not to worry. That was it. No worrying. I will keep an eye on it, but I am not worrying. Period. Worrying never helped anything and it for sure has made many things worse in my life. After more years and more worries than I can count and knowing that most of the things I worried about never happened, I am tired of it. No more.
4. Let go of my ego and allow my higher self (or inner voice) to lead my life.
Deciding to loosen my grip on my ego is tough. It is fighting for its life. When I stopped the stories and defending myself and being right and having to have something to do all the time, my ego got pissed. It doesn't like spending time in silence and doing nothing or just being calm. It is not exciting and certainly not interesting. It is hard to not be hooked in to the stories I am telling myself because it is the story about my life.
But what I have found, is that doesn't work for me. What does work is taking time to meditate and be alone and listen to that small voice inside of me. That voice is very wise. It doesn't care about status or appearances or what other people think. It knows what is best for me and when I follow its advice, I am grateful that I did. It is not easy and my ego is not going down without a fight, but it is a battle that is well worth it.
5. Actively love myself more
Louise Hay talks about getting up in the morning, looking in the mirror and telling yourself how much you love yourself. I am my own worst critic. In the past, my pattern has been to watch myself like a hawk for anything I have done wrong and then pounce when I notice something and go on and on inside my mind thinking about it and punishing myself for it.
Fear works, but that I no longer want to live my life in fear. I am human and I will make mistakes, but I want to love myself regardless and in spite of those mistakes.
I want this year of 2012 to be a lovefest with myself. I want to tell me that I love me when I get up in the morning and all through the day and I want to love myself even more when I mess up. I want to learn to forgive myself quickly and shower myself with love. Why? Because I am worth it. And also because I believe living like that will transform my life (and hopefully spill over and bless other people's lives as well).
I am very excited about this year. I have a feeling it will be a very special one.
Beyond sculptures and synphonies,
beyond great works and masterpieces
is the greater, finer art of creating
a conscious life.
Genius appears everywhere, but
never so magnificiently as in a
life well lived.
-Karla McLaren
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