Lorelei

The Ten Days of Awe

I have been a Jew all of my life, but I just found out that the ten days between Rosh Hashonah (the Jewish New Year) and Yom Kippur (which starts at sundown tonight) are called "The Ten Days of Awe".  Here is one explanation of the Ten Days of Awe:

One of the ongoing themes of the Days of Awe is the concept that G-d has "books" that he writes our names in, writing down who will live and who will die, who will have a good life and who will have a bad life, for the next year. These books are written in on Rosh Hashanah, but our actions during the Days of Awe can alter G-d's decree. The actions that change the decree are "teshuvah, tefilah and tzedakah," repentance, prayer, good deeds (usually, charity). These "books" are sealed on Yom Kippur. This concept of writing in books is the source of the common greeting during this time is "May you be inscribed and sealed for a good year."

It is sort of like the song about Santa Claus--"he knows if you are bad or good so be good for goodness sake".  Only in the Jewish tradition, you have ten days to hurry up and make a list of everything you have done wrong, repent, give a bunch of money to charity and then hopefully God will put you in the book to have a good year next year.

I just can't get my head around the idea that God is up there judging us.  We human beings are so good at judging, it is no wonder that we think God would be too.  But, I sincerely disagree.  I believe that God loves us unconditionally no matter happens.  I don't like the idea of running around like crazy for ten days trying to be a good person and then holding my breath to see if I am sealed for a good year. 

At the same time, having ten days to be in awe and really consider my sins against others and myself and pray about how I can be a better person really appeals to me.  It is a "time of introspection" and I believe there is inherent power in that especially when many people are taking time for introspection and to evaluate their life at the same time.

In my blog last year on Yom Kippur, I mentioned that I really like this Jewish High Holiday and its premise of repentance, fasting, time for introspection and starting the year with a clean slate.  I committed to remembering Yom Kippur this year so I could take off work and take the time to pray.  Since Yom Kippur falls on a weekend, I did not have to take off work so it is very convenient.

I talked to Michael about going to synagogue.  Since we are not memebers of any local synagogue, we had to see if we could pay a fee to attend.  I thought about it and decided I didn't really connect with the services.  I can't understand the Hebrew and the English part is long and boring with nothing that I find deeply connects me to God.  We decided to fast, but also to take the time to do rituals and prayers that are meaningful to us during that time and let go of the outside world.

Michael's plane was delayed and he won't be home till late tonight..if he is exhausted and burnt out from a long week of work, he may not be in the mood to fast..we will see.  He likes to joke about Yom Kippur by saying that he has no sins, but if people want to tell him their sins, he will pray in their name.  I love his light-hearted take on life.

So, what is a sin?

I have been reading the book called The Four Agreements.  The author, Miguel Ruiz, has this to say about sin:

 

 

A sin is anything that you do which goes against yourself.  Everything you feel or believe or say that goes against yourself is a sin.  You go against yourself when you judge or blame yourself for anything.  Being without sin is exactly the opposite.  Being impeccable is not going against yourself.  When you are impeccable, you take responsibility for your actions, but you do not judge or blame yourself.

From this point of view, the whole concept of sin changes from something moral or religious to something commonsense.  Sin begins with rejection of yourself.  Self-rejection is a "mortal sin." which leads to death.  Impeccability, on the other hand, leads to life.

 

 

 

 

The idea that self-rejection leads to death is a pretty strong one, but it rings true.  When I judge myself harshly, I often get sick and exhausted which is on the path to death.  I want to choose life.

When I was at the pool last week in Las Vegas, I was thinking about love and how important it was to love myself no matter what.  I feeling so grateful to be lying out in the sun and just being there with Michael.  While I was lying there, a butterfly came and landed on my toe.

 

She stayed there for a few minutes and then left and came right back again.  This went on for about fifteen minutes.  I was in awe.  Nothing like this had ever happened before.  I named her Clementine.
It reminded be of an excerpt from Wayne Dyer's book, Inspiration:

Anyway, as I walked, feeling grateful for having completed the second-to-last chapter of this book, a monarch landed on the ground, three feet in front of me. I said Jack’s magic words to myself (Thank You, God—thank You, thank You), and felt deep appreciation for my life and the beauty of the day. The butterfly stayed right there until I approached, then he flapped his wings several times and flew away. Thinking of Jack and feeling a little bewildered and immensely thankful, I watched this creature in flight, now 40 or 50 yards away.

As God is my witness, the butterfly made a U-turn and not only headed in my direction, but landed right smack on my finger! Needless to say, I was shocked—but not totally surprised. I must confess that it seems to me that the more I stay in-Spirit, the more I experience synchronicities similar to this one. But what followed did border on the incredulous, even for me.

This little creature became my constant companion for the next two and a half hours—he sat first on one hand and then moved to my other hand, never even coming close to flying away. He seemed to be trying to communicate with me by moving his wings back and forth, and even opening and closing his tiny mouth as if attempting to speak . . . and as crazy as it may sound, I felt a deep affinity to this precious living being.

I too felt a deep connection to Clementine.  She was not a huge monarch butterfly, but she was my speical butterfly just the same.  I think God was trying to tell me I was on the right track and how important it is to keep loving myself no matter what.

I do have so much to be grateful for.  I had a wonderful celebration last month of both my birthday, MIchael's birthday and our anniversary.  We hung out in the spa and went to San Francsico and Las Vegas and saw several different shows and had several wonderful meals in delicious, exotic restaurants.  I am working quite a bit at a time when many people are struggling to get work.  My blessings are many...

These ten days of awe between Rosh Hashonah and Yom Kippur have been very special to me.  I have received true insight about how I create my own reality and the importance of loving myself no matter what.  I love that word "awe".  I really do feel in awe of my life right now and am appreciating it more and more every day.  I want to take the time during Yom Kippur to reflect on my insights and be grateful for what I have learned.

Thank you God.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  For life.

 

 

My Sins

Yom Kippur is the highest holiday in the Jewish tradition.  It is on this day that Jews fast and pray and ask forgiveness for their sins so they can start anew with a clean slate for the new year.  This year Yom Kippur starts at sunset on Sunday Sept 27 to sunset Monday Sept 28.  During this time, you fast--no food or water-- and go to synagogue.  You do not bathe or brush your teeth.

Yom Kippur has always been a challenging time for me.  I am drawn to the idea of having a full twenty four hours to really go within and spend time with God, but at the same time, I have had a hard time stopping my life and saying no to all commitments. Also, although I was born Jewish, and raised my children Jewish and will always be Jewish, I haven't belonged to a synagogue since my son and daughter's Bar and Bat Mitzvah (seven years ago). They did a wonderful job educating my children, but Michael and I did not feel enough of a connection to continue our membership.

I usually forget about the High Holidays until they are here and then I almost always feel a longing--a pull--to get involved.  This time, I completely forgot about Yom Kippur until it arrived.  But, now that it is here, I am disappointed I did not plan better.  I scheduled a physical therapy appointment right in the middle of the day not realizing it was Yom Kippur. It is the first appointment I was able to get and I had to wait a week and a half to get it.  I can't really cancel it without having to pay. 

I usually spend some time during the 25 hour period being aware and respectful of all of the people in my religion who are fasting and atoning for their sins.  I love the Jewish religion and so many of the traditions that I grew up with.  I usually do not fast on Yom Kippur  and I almost always feel guilty for not doing it. I also feel guilty for anything I do that is not "following the rules",  even though I am not completely sure what those rules are.  I probably am not supposed to be writing a blog on Yom Kippur (even though they didn't have blogs when they created the holiday).

I have often wondered if God would consider it a sin that I have not fasted on Yom Kippur.  I don't think so, but I do think God would think it is a good idea to do it--when I am ready.  I have decided this holiday to let go of any guilt about not doing it "right" and just following my heart and align myself with God as best I can.

Sin or "het" in Hebrew means "to go astray" or to wander from God. As I interpret it, the Jewish religion is not big on punishment for sins or going to hell.  Moreover, the feeling I have always gotten is that if you stray from your alignment with God, you just need to go back and get aligned again.  No fire or brimstone--just a realization that things need to change.  It makes so much sense to me to have that time for prayer and turning inward where you are shut off from the world.

f I am not for myself, who will be for me?

"And when I am for myself, what am 'I'?

"And if not now, [then] when?

This quote is by Hillel--a famous Jewish religious leader.  In my mind, he is talking about taking time for yourself and getting a sense of who you are.  What a great idea to create time to do that once a year to take time out from your "life".

What happens to me when I stray from God?  

• I get angry,frustrated, hopeless....

..and many other unpleasant emotions.

What happens when I am aligned with God?

• I feel peace, joy and a deep connectedness to life

I believe very strongly that God is not some man with a beard who sits in heaven in judgment of us.  God is within each and very one of us and we can access that energy at any time.

I wrote the above part of this blog on Sunday night and today I woke up looking forward to having some private, quiet time to go within.  My Dad has always taught us to explore all religions and take what we like best from each one.  Sometimes that got me into trouble.  One Sunday when I was about seven years old, I remember going to church with my babysitter.  When I saw the people walking up to the front of the church, I started walking up there too and the priest put the sacrament in my mouth for communion and I closed my mouth and watched what the other people were doing.  I saw them bow their head and walk back to their seat and I did the same.  When my babysitter saw me, she freaked out and told me I had to "spit it out".  Oy.  That did not leave a good taste in my mouth (so to speak).  But, in general, I believe that all religions have something interesting and helpful to offer.  Although, there is no substitute for my personal connection with God or the source or higher power that I can connect with within me.

1. I started out this morning with my abundance meditation from The Abundance Book by John Randolph Price.  It is Christian-based theology with 10 powerful statements that I read every morning and meditate on and write about for 40 days.  Today is day 9.  I did a fifteen minute meditation and wrote in my journal about my thoughts and gratitude for the day.

2. I then played a series of meditations on CD by Kim Eng called  Meditations for a New Earth.  I focused on my breath, my senses and the "inner body".

3. I did a series of exercises for my foot and knee from the book Pain Free by Peter Egoscue

4. I did a series of tapping and tracing my meridians from the book Energy Medicine for Women by Donna Eden.  This section is called the "Menopause Module".  It not only helps with energy, but also stimulates various hormones.

5.Next, I did some prayer using the Buddhist principles of Maitri and Tonglen from the Audio CD series The Noble Heart by Pema Chodron.

Maitri: I used the phrase "May I/you experience happiness and the root of happiness" and "May I/you be free from suffering and the root of all suffering"  and as I repeated those phrases I visualized:

• myself
• people I have gratitude for in my life
• people I have neutral feelings toward
• People I have negative feeling toward
• the whole world

Tonglen: I breathed in the pain and suffering and breathed out love and light.  I started with myself and focused on any difficult feeling I had.  I breathed those in and then breathed out love.  Then I moved to visualizing everyone who was experiencing those feelings in the whole world.  I visualized my Dad who has dementia.  I breathed in his pain and suffering and breathed out love and did the same for all those in the world who are experiencing dementia.  Very powerful.

Then, it was time to focus on my sins.

The picture above I find absolutely fascinating.  It is the picture of the seven deadly sins by Hieronymus Bosch.  I wish I could find a bigger picture so I could see more clearly what each section is about and which sin it represents. I have heard of the seven deadly sins before, but I have not studied them and found out what they really mean.  They are:

• lust
• gluttony
• greed
• sloth
• wrath
• envy
• pride

Some of my sins are too personal to share here. But,  I want to share a few with you in the context of the seven deadly sins. 

Sloth:  I always thought sloth meant lazy.  But, the definition that I found says "failure to utilize one's talents or gifts"  Wow.  That really got me thinking.  I don't feel like I am completely using my talents and gifts. I am doing my best to utilize my talents and skills; I am just not always sure how.  I do utilize them some in my interpreting work, some in my business,  some in my parenting, some in my relationships with my husband and friends, but feel I could do more.  I am not totally sure what that more is--more service to others in need? more access to  my talents and skills that I am not accessing now?  This is a good one to ponder.  I would like to think about ways this next year I can do more acts of "gemilut hasadim" or loving-kindness for others.

Pride:  When I think of pride, I think of a job well done.  The definition of pride as a sin that I found is "love of self perverted to hatred".  That is another powerful definition.  I have definitely committed that sin.  Louise Hay helps me tremendously with that.  I love the affirmations that she has about "loving yourself" in her famous book You Can Heal Your Life.  One of my favorite is when I wake up--I go to the mirror--look straight into my eyes and say "Laurie--I love you--deeply and unconditionally". Next year I would like to remember to do that more often.  When I find myself stepping away from loving myself, be aware of that and stop.

Greed:  I have spent money this year on things I do not need with money I did not have. I bought too many clothes this year for sure.  I can't even wade through my closet without getting lost.  Yesterday I could not find a specific pair of shoes because there were too many shoes in my closet.  In general, it feels like there are too many things in my house.  But, I still go out and buy more and it was/is not necessary. This next year I want to only spend money that I have and spend it wisely. I want to tithe more to causes I believe in

Gluttony:  I would often eat when I was not hungry. I would also eat food that I knew was not good for my body.  Next year I want to eat healthy foods only when I am hungry.

Wrath:  I am quick to anger and prove that I am right.  Next year when I feel myself getting angry, I want to be kind to myself and then let my anger go.  There are two sides to every story and anger doesn't solve anything.  If I need to I can go somewhere alone and scream or punch a pillow, but then move on.

Envy:  I think I have been guilty of this when I see someone who is more talented than myself or someone who can walk without pain.  When I notice myself feeling this way, I want to be aware of it and appreciate their talent and be grateful they can walk without pain and know it will happen for me too.

A couple more I want to add:

Taking care of my body:  When I feel pain, protect myself--use a cane, walk less, etc.  Take the elevator instead of walking up the stairs.  Sit down when i don't have to stand.  Rest as much as I can and do some relaxation.  I kept walking through the pain for way too long and doing much more than I had to or needed to.  I only have one body and I need to treat it well. I want to tune in to my body and let it lead me in doing what it needs to heal.

Doing rather than being:  It is not necessary to do so much all the time:  email, TV, computer, etc.  Next year I commit to more time to be with me and God.  I will make appointments with me.

No one is perfect.  I also want to give myself some flexibility.  I heard the story of Andrew Weil--the doctor who is a health expert--say that every once in a while he will stand at the counter and chug a can of coke.  I will not expect perfection this coming year and allow myself to "break the rules" occasionally as long as it doesn't hurt me or others.  In addition, when I stray from God, I will be quick to forgive myself.

All in all it has been a day of great  insight.  I am very grateful the Jewish religion has decreed this holy day.  I send love to all my Jewish brothers and sisters who fasted today.  I hope you had an easy fast and it was fruitful.  I look forward with you to a new year with a clean slate.  Next year I will clear my calendar for Yom Kippur.