Yom Kippur is the highest holiday in the Jewish tradition. It is on this day that Jews fast and pray and ask forgiveness for their sins so they can start anew with a clean slate for the new year. This year Yom Kippur starts at sunset on Sunday Sept 27 to sunset Monday Sept 28. During this time, you fast--no food or water-- and go to synagogue. You do not bathe or brush your teeth.
Yom Kippur has always been a challenging time for me. I am drawn to the idea of having a full twenty four hours to really go within and spend time with God, but at the same time, I have had a hard time stopping my life and saying no to all commitments. Also, although I was born Jewish, and raised my children Jewish and will always be Jewish, I haven't belonged to a synagogue since my son and daughter's Bar and Bat Mitzvah (seven years ago). They did a wonderful job educating my children, but Michael and I did not feel enough of a connection to continue our membership.
I usually forget about the High Holidays until they are here and then I almost always feel a longing--a pull--to get involved. This time, I completely forgot about Yom Kippur until it arrived. But, now that it is here, I am disappointed I did not plan better. I scheduled a physical therapy appointment right in the middle of the day not realizing it was Yom Kippur. It is the first appointment I was able to get and I had to wait a week and a half to get it. I can't really cancel it without having to pay.
I usually spend some time during the 25 hour period being aware and respectful of all of the people in my religion who are fasting and atoning for their sins. I love the Jewish religion and so many of the traditions that I grew up with. I usually do not fast on Yom Kippur and I almost always feel guilty for not doing it. I also feel guilty for anything I do that is not "following the rules", even though I am not completely sure what those rules are. I probably am not supposed to be writing a blog on Yom Kippur (even though they didn't have blogs when they created the holiday).
I have often wondered if God would consider it a sin that I have not fasted on Yom Kippur. I don't think so, but I do think God would think it is a good idea to do it--when I am ready. I have decided this holiday to let go of any guilt about not doing it "right" and just following my heart and align myself with God as best I can.Sin or "het" in Hebrew means "to go astray" or to wander from God. As I interpret it, the Jewish religion is not big on punishment for sins or going to hell. Moreover, the feeling I have always gotten is that if you stray from your alignment with God, you just need to go back and get aligned again. No fire or brimstone--just a realization that things need to change. It makes so much sense to me to have that time for prayer and turning inward where you are shut off from the world.
- f I am not for myself, who will be for me?
"And when I am for myself, what am 'I'?
"And if not now, [then] when?
This quote is by Hillel--a famous Jewish religious leader. In my mind, he is talking about taking time for yourself and getting a sense of who you are. What a great idea to create time to do that once a year to take time out from your "life".
What happens to me when I stray from God?
- I get angry,frustrated, hopeless....
..and many other unpleasant emotions.
What happens when I am aligned with God?
- I feel peace, joy and a deep connectedness to life
I believe very strongly that God is not some man with a beard who sits in heaven in judgment of us. God is within each and very one of us and we can access that energy at any time.
I wrote the above part of this blog on Sunday night and today I woke up looking forward to having some private, quiet time to go within. My Dad has always taught us to explore all religions and take what we like best from each one. Sometimes that got me into trouble. One Sunday when I was about seven years old, I remember going to church with my babysitter. When I saw the people walking up to the front of the church, I started walking up there too and the priest put the sacrament in my mouth for communion and I closed my mouth and watched what the other people were doing. I saw them bow their head and walk back to their seat and I did the same. When my babysitter saw me, she freaked out and told me I had to "spit it out". Oy. That did not leave a good taste in my mouth (so to speak). But, in general, I believe that all religions have something interesting and helpful to offer. Although, there is no substitute for my personal connection with God or the source or higher power that I can connect with within me.
1. I started out this morning with my abundance meditation from The Abundance Book by John Randolph Price. It is Christian-based theology with 10 powerful statements that I read every morning and meditate on and write about for 40 days. Today is day 9. I did a fifteen minute meditation and wrote in my journal about my thoughts and gratitude for the day.
2. I then played a series of meditations on CD by Kim Eng called Meditations for a New Earth. I focused on my breath, my senses and the "inner body".
3. I did a series of exercises for my foot and knee from the book Pain Free by Peter Egoscue
4. I did a series of tapping and tracing my meridians from the book Energy Medicine for Women by Donna Eden. This section is called the "Menopause Module". It not only helps with energy, but also stimulates various hormones.
5.Next, I did some prayer using the Buddhist principles of Maitri and Tonglen from the Audio CD series The Noble Heart by Pema Chodron.
Maitri: I used the phrase "May I/you experience happiness and the root of happiness" and "May I/you be free from suffering and the root of all suffering" and as I repeated those phrases I visualized:
- myself
- people I have gratitude for in my life
- people I have neutral feelings toward
- People I have negative feeling toward
- the whole world
Tonglen: I breathed in the pain and suffering and breathed out love and light. I started with myself and focused on any difficult feeling I had. I breathed those in and then breathed out love. Then I moved to visualizing everyone who was experiencing those feelings in the whole world. I visualized my Dad who has dementia. I breathed in his pain and suffering and breathed out love and did the same for all those in the world who are experiencing dementia. Very powerful.
Then, it was time to focus on my sins.
- lust
- gluttony
- greed
- sloth
- wrath
- envy
- pride
Some of my sins are too personal to share here. But, I want to share a few with you in the context of the seven deadly sins.
Sloth: I always thought sloth meant lazy. But, the definition that I found says "failure to utilize one's talents or gifts" Wow. That really got me thinking. I don't feel like I am completely using my talents and gifts. I am doing my best to utilize my talents and skills; I am just not always sure how. I do utilize them some in my interpreting work, some in my business, some in my parenting, some in my relationships with my husband and friends, but feel I could do more. I am not totally sure what that more is--more service to others in need? more access to my talents and skills that I am not accessing now? This is a good one to ponder. I would like to think about ways this next year I can do more acts of "gemilut hasadim" or loving-kindness for others.
Pride: When I think of pride, I think of a job well done. The definition of pride as a sin that I found is "love of self perverted to hatred". That is another powerful definition. I have definitely committed that sin. Louise Hay helps me tremendously with that. I love the affirmations that she has about "loving yourself" in her famous book You Can Heal Your Life. One of my favorite is when I wake up--I go to the mirror--look straight into my eyes and say "Laurie--I love you--deeply and unconditionally". Next year I would like to remember to do that more often. When I find myself stepping away from loving myself, be aware of that and stop.
Greed: I have spent money this year on things I do not need with money I did not have. I
bought too many clothes this year for sure. I can't even wade through
my closet without getting lost. Yesterday I could not find a specific
pair of shoes because there were too many shoes in my closet. In
general, it feels like there are too many things in my house. But, I
still go out and buy more and it was/is
not necessary. This next year I want to only spend money that I have
and spend it wisely. I want to tithe more to causes I believe in
Gluttony: I would often eat when I was not hungry. I would also eat food that I knew was not good for my body. Next year I want to eat healthy foods only when I am hungry.
Wrath: I am quick to anger and prove that I am right. Next year when I feel myself getting angry, I want to be kind to myself and then let my anger go. There are two sides to every story and anger doesn't solve anything. If I need to I can go somewhere alone and scream or punch a pillow, but then move on.
Envy: I think I have been guilty of this when I see someone who is more talented than myself or someone who can walk without pain. When I notice myself feeling this way, I want to be aware of it and appreciate their talent and be grateful they can walk without pain and know it will happen for me too.
A couple more I want to add:
Taking care of my body: When I feel pain, protect myself--use a cane, walk less, etc. Take the elevator instead of walking up the stairs. Sit down when i don't have to stand. Rest as much as I can and do some relaxation. I kept walking through the pain for way too long and doing much more than I had to or needed to. I only have one body and I need to treat it well. I want to tune in to my body and let it lead me in doing what it needs to heal.
Doing rather than being: It is not necessary to do so much all the time: email, TV, computer, etc. Next year I commit to more time to be with me and God. I will make appointments with me.
No one is perfect. I also want to give myself some flexibility. I heard the story of Andrew Weil--the doctor who is a health expert--say that every once in a while he will stand at the counter and chug a can of coke. I will not expect perfection this coming year and allow myself to "break the rules" occasionally as long as it doesn't hurt me or others. In addition, when I stray from God, I will be quick to forgive myself.
All in all it has been a day of great insight. I am very grateful the Jewish religion has decreed this holy day. I send love to all my Jewish brothers and sisters who fasted today. I hope you had an easy fast and it was fruitful. I look forward with you to a new year with a clean slate. Next year I will clear my calendar for Yom Kippur.
Laurie: Wonderful blog on Yom Kippur. I think I mentioned to you that I did a senior college thesis on the concept of "sin" in Milton's epic poem "Paradise Lost". Milton uses the word in the Hebrew context, to wander from God, and focuses on Satan as an outcast because he literally wandered from God and lives in a very dark region of the universe devoid of light. Satan is the storyteller in the poem and we see the world from his perspective, which is very close to our (human) perspective throughout the poem. Yet due to pride, he will not realign with God and futhermore wants to convince others to be in his camp to keep him company (giving meaning to the common phrase "misery loves company"). In many ways, I think we are probably more like Satan than God, but Yom Kippur is a wonderful ritual that allows us a brief period during the year to be in God's camp. Thank you for sharing!!
Michael
Posted by: Michael Jacobvitz | 09/30/2009 at 05:33 PM
Hi Laurie
For perhaps the first time in years, I did not fast on Yom Kippur as I am still recovering from an infection and need all the strength I can muster. I usually do a water fast for most of the day. Karla joined me this year for Yom Kippur Eve and I went with Neal in the morning, but tired. Karla and David hosted a Break the Fast Monday evening, with fresh garden veggies from David's garden and the garden of Karla's spiritual friends, green beans, squash, green pepper, brown rice, and salmon and I made an apple/concord grape hot fruit compote with grapes Marilyn Young had gifted me for dessert with chocolate meringue cookies from Whole Foods. I hope this is the correct comment box.
Marilyn
Posted by: marilyn probe | 10/01/2009 at 04:49 PM